Olga, try to re-read your letter, you yourself will probably understand that you have overly focused your life on the topic of food, on food as a pleasure, as a process, as a means. With its help, you, even subconsciously, try to solve your internal problems. I will assume that the negative emotions you have accumulated over a long time and not realized do not allow you to harmoniously interact with the world around you, people; you often experience discomfort and a feeling of anxiety. And it was food that became for you not only a process of replenishing nutrients, but also a way of self-regulation. Everything that is associated with eating disorders is also associated with internal attitudes, barriers, prohibitions, self-acceptance, self-esteem, and the reward system. And you concentrated on this process as a way of self-regulation. Your body (a unique self-regulating system), with the help of this state, already signals you that there are unresolved problems, in this way it tries to force you to pay attention to itself, tries to establish its internal balance, create a reserve in the body, protect itself from possible losses, being confident that if there is a layer on the body, it can prevent it from being harmed from the outside - this is how he creates a compromise between fears and reality. Yes, most likely many areas of life cause you rejection, a desire to change or completely get rid of them, choosing a different path or type of activity. And for some reason you decided that you couldn’t handle it. It turns out vicious circle. Do you feel overweight, you want to stay slim, in principle, this is a normal desire, but just in case, let me remind you that the most important thing in any process to begin with is motivation: for which, having a specific goal, it is much easier to set intermediate tasks and take steps to solve them. I am in no way saying that you don’t need to lose weight. You just need to love yourself and your body, keeping it in a slim state, not by starving it. And in this case, it is imperative to involve the medical aspect, examination of doctors, in order to always know about the presence/absence of deviations in the norms. Health = beauty. But... now the most important thing for you in the process of overcoming the problem is to start enjoying life. I'm speaking quite seriously. After all, food for you is not only a threat to your figure, there is also the “second side of the coin”, I assume that you also pampered and encouraged yourself with food. You use it to replace emotions of joy, delight, admiration when you change your attitude a little. In this way, your body more than fills the gaps of pleasure that you should receive from life in other ways, but do not receive - food is fixed in your subconscious as the most effective option. Everyone reacts to life events, people, the world around them differently . You - so, choosing the way to regulate food. But everything can be solved, in fact, all problems are only in a person’s head, we first firmly believe in them, feel them, then heroically overcome them, spending our energy. Direct it in a constructive direction, to create your positive attitude and confidence in the good. What is happening to your emotional sphere? Where are the joyful impressions of life? You lack a positive start. There is little joy from the phenomena of the surrounding world, pleasant surprise, a feeling of delight from an event, adrenaline from a dream come true, drive from a fulfilled desire, satisfaction from one’s physical, intellectual or professional capabilities, warmth and tenderness from relationships, humor and laughter. All this makes our life happier, fills it with meaning, allows you to feel harmony with the world, paints it in different colors. Think about what else in life can give you pleasure and start doing it. What have you dreamed of doing, but never got around to? Devote as much time to yourself as you didn’t allow before (I’m not talking about workouts and beauty salons, but about bright, delightful, driving activities - you have the right, allow yourself to do them!). Do it. For now, excessive control over yourself takes too much energy from you, spend it on bringing yourself joyful emotions, pleasure, looking for only the good in everything and in yourself first of all, not on changing yourself, not on tracking and restraining impulses, but on understanding , self-respect, developing the best in yourself. Overcome the problem with pleasure, slowly and systematically. And as soon as you find a couple of activities that please your heart, food and your weight will cease to be such a pressing topic. Take action, become more active physically and socially and positive emotions, new opportunities, work, people, impressions will appear in your life. Always remember that you are very good, smart and beautiful, you deserve to be loved and happy, without doing anything special for this, without deserving it! Don’t rush, everything will come in due time, you will become more confident, you will begin to understand yourself better, but to do this, open up to the world, let in its bright sides, feel the fullness of life. This way you can switch to other sources of pleasure. If you feel that you can’t cope on your own, turn to specialists for help, that’s why we get education, to get rid of the problems of those who need it, professionally. But also analyze for yourself what or who influences your positive attitude so much that you would like to radically change your life, about the changes that you yourself can make. Depending on how you treat events, how you see them, feel them, life is built around you: whether a person is happy or not depends on what he thinks about it. Change your attitude, first of all, towards yourself. Love yourself unconditionally. Find for yourself the opportunity to start enjoying life and everything in it will gradually begin to improve. Everything will work out for you and everything will be fine. I offer consultations via chat, I will help you establish relationships with yourself, your own body, understand and accept yourself completely, and find ways to solve your problem. Health, love and harmony with yourself. I will be grateful for your assessment of the answer.
Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Olga, try to re-read your letter, you yourself will probably understand that you have focused your life too much...” to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?
Discuss with an expertThe body allows us to move, eat, love, work and generally feel somehow. Sometimes it seems that he only needs warmth, satiety and safety. But in response to special attention, it will reward you with vivacity, resistance to stress, bright self-expression and creative enthusiasm - everything you need for a successful career.
Body denial
Today, expressions such as “employee” are a thing of the past. mental work" and "manual worker". There are fewer and fewer people who need only an exceptionally strong body for work - lumberjacks or diggers; their work is often taken over by machines. Only the loaders have to exert real simple muscular effort.
Apart from dancers and actors, for whom the body is an obvious tool of work, most workers today are office workers and the like. Their lot in the physical sense is inactivity and monotony. And the thought of the body playing a role in successful professional and career advancement does not even arise. Perhaps at the level of good self-care, since a young and fit appearance is part of the image of a successful person. But the body should not be limited to this, it is capable of more.
Of all the various and useful parts of the body, a clerk of any level constantly works two: the brain and what they sit on. Perhaps also hands typing something on the keyboard and holding the telephone receiver to his ear. Industrial gymnastics for Soviet employees, history is absorbed, so the rest of the body is usually unoccupied.
“I stopped doing exercises a long time ago. - says Albina, 38 years old. - As a child, my parents forced me to move to music in order to wake up and recharge for the whole day, as they said. But when I entered college and didn’t sleep much at night, it was unthinkable to spend time on exercises; it would be impossible to drag myself out of bed. And now everything is about the same - it’s a pity to waste time on these stupid movements, so my exercise is driving through traffic jams.”
Fitness classes also sometimes turn into indifferent use of the body as a machine that should look great, but we often forget to think about how it feels. Unlike ancient people, for whom bodily effort was conceptualized as necessary work According to survival, we do not truly own our body, as if our “I” has finally settled in our head. And the arms, legs, back and stomach want to feel, work, get exercise and bring real benefit, and not just show off in a shop window.
Emotions on lock
Among adults it is not easy to find a person whose shoulders are not tense. You shouldn’t blame everything on working at the computer - more often than not, these are echoes of emotions locked away from childhood.
“When I go to bed and try to relax,” says Nadezhda, 29 years old, “I often feel like someone has attached about ten clothespins to my body. If you listen, you notice that these places ache a little and are quite tense. In the morning it feels like I’ve been working all night.”
Our relationship with the body is formed to a large extent by mothers - by how they react to the baby, whether they pick him up, are attentive or cold. This experience imprints in us one or another habitual posture with hidden areas of tension - a bent back, a head pressed into the shoulders, immobility in the lower back.
Body and shame
Sometimes a woman’s life seems to be divided in half, into work and life itself, where there are parties, friends, dates, dancing and where you can move joyfully. If we allow ourselves to bring some of this joy into the office, it is not always perceived correctly.
“In our company it is customary to go to formal suits“, says Elena, 31 years old, “and on Fridays freestyle clothing is allowed, but also without extremes. One day I was planning to go to a party in the evening and therefore came to the office in the morning in a red dress. It wasn’t even short, but on Monday the boss said that coming to work like this was unacceptable and I was distracting everyone from their work. Now I live like this: in the morning
Until the evening I’m a robot, and in the evenings and weekends I’m a woman.”
By not allowing ourselves to attract the attention of men, by fearing resentment and betrayal, by following the instructions laid down in childhood to be modest, we clamp our own sexuality in a vice. And when life demands something else, we fall into a state where the body freezes, like a computer. It's difficult to understand what you really want. Then it seems that it’s easier not to figure it out, but to simply turn off this computer and not have to deal with it anymore. Without understanding ourselves and our relationship with sex, modesty, and passion, we can successfully suppress them.
However, this internal struggle will certainly be reflected in the gait, movements and even in facial expression.
Body as a tool
“If you don’t know what to say, get up and move around. Ideas will come and be convincing to your listeners,” this is approximately the same instruction given to all aspiring business coaches, as well as to those who are going to speak in public. The body is able to work independently even where it would seem that rational arguments, meaningful discussion, and decision-making are needed. When preparing to present your idea at a meeting, negotiation, or exhibition, it is useful to rehearse the entire program of actions in real physical space. How the stand, flip chart or video projection screen will be positioned, where the audience will sit, how you can move - these are things that unobviously bring additional meaning to your speech. Whether you are marking time in one place or moving at a walking pace even in a small space, whether your hand gestures support your statements - such little things can set the speaker himself in a calm and confident mood, and better convey his thoughts to the audience.
There is also a flip side to the idea of the body as a tool. In an effort to look good, we intuitively guess what is proven these days scientific research: beautiful people are loved more, they are forgiven more, they are paid better, they are fired less often and are more willing to be hired. True, taking care of your body for a career-minded person can become exhausting - constant diets, daily gym, face and hair masks. The body works, it is given attention - what else, tell me, does it need? And here’s the paradox: while taking care of your body, spending money and time on it, you can nevertheless not feel it. Perceive it not as a part of yourself, but as an item necessary for work, like an expensive tablet or an elegant moleskine, which should always look perfect, but simply cannot have its own desires.
Treating your body and appearance only as a tool for success can lead to the fact that self-care, all these little actions that women like so much, simply stop bringing joy. Alice, having got to Wonderland, once grew so big that she could not see her legs and really missed them, like old friends. Make friends with your arms and legs, stomach and back, neck and chest - this is your real work team.
7 clamp areas
Together with a specialist, you may discover that there are “tight” areas in your body that can be gently worked through and release the feelings hidden there.
- Eyes. The area around them can become pinched, which, by the way, provokes the appearance of facial wrinkles when we squint intensely, as if trying to peer into something incomprehensible. Or, conversely, we narrow our eyes so as not to see what is happening (inside or outside of us), not to attach special significance to it.
- Mouth. A tightness around the mouth occurs when we forbid ourselves to show any emotions, as well as express them verbally. The set of forbidden sensations includes sadness, disgust, aggression: with your mouth clamped, it is impossible to bare your teeth or shout out something offensive.
- Neck and tongue. These clamps restrain the voice, screaming, sobbing. It’s as if a person is dragging a yoke around his neck, he no longer has the strength, but he can’t tell or cry to anyone.
- Chest, shoulders and arms. Clamps in this area arise when someone - or we ourselves - forbade us to experience and show melancholy, fun and passion. Somewhere in the chest, laughter or crying arose, hands wanted to reach out and hug, but they had to be lowered, and laughter with tears had to be held back. That’s why my breath became stuttered and held. The tightness in your chest sometimes begins to feel like a lump that you can’t immediately swallow or spit out. This block usually limits breathing, its depth and frequency.
- D diaphragm and solar plexus. Anger lurks here, only much stronger than in previous cases. Driven inside, it concentrates in the area solar plexus and makes the whole body tense.
- Belly and back. In these vulnerable places tension arises from the fear of attack, physical or symbolic. Expectation of a stab in the back from a loved one, fear of serious changes in life (the Old Slavonic “belly” meant “life”). Suppressed anger and hostility also lurk here.
- Pelvic and leg area. They contain hidden pleasures that we deny ourselves (not only sexual ones), not daring to change our lives. Legs that should have gone in a different direction seem to be held in place, their muscles constantly tense for no reason. This can even cause seizures.
For many people, loving themselves – their body – can be extremely difficult. If in childhood a person has a very strong connection with his physical shell with his internal organs and systems, then as life progresses, such contact may be disrupted. A conflict arises with own body a person is capable of it due to outside influence, for example, due to attacks from others. Hostile relationships with the body can also develop under the influence of self-cultivated complexes and attitudes.
The lack of a friendly connection with the body, the reluctance to accept oneself and support oneself lead to the depletion of internal strength, to a situation of constant - self-created - debilitating stress. When a person is at odds with his internal organs and with the body as a whole, this inevitably results in the development of disorders and pathologies. In addition, it reduces the overall quality of life and negatively affects the psyche.
How can you make friends with your body? How to regain the necessary connection so that you can feel yourself every day full of energy and a healthy person?
A few steps to make friends with your body
- Make it a habit to say hello to your body every morning. When you wake up, do not immediately jump out of bed, listen to yourself, to your physical sensations, to the signals that your body gives. Mentally ask the body and internal organs how they feel today, how much time they have recovered and rested. Listen again: the body will definitely give answers. In addition, if you are attentive, sensitive and positive, the body will tell you how to improve your well-being if necessary.
- Learn to compliment yourself. Try not to constantly focus on any chronic illnesses or aspects of your appearance that for one reason or another do not suit you. Try to stand in front of the mirror every day for at least a month in a row and say nice things out loud to yourself, compliment your body. You will quickly feel how your mood will rise, how a surge of strength will arise. Gradually and any discomfort in organs and tissues will begin to melt under the influence of your positive attention.
- Before going to bed, take a few minutes of time to thank your body for having it, for being alive, for having systems and organs working. Walk over your entire body, paying at least a little attention to each area, sincerely saying “thank you.”
- To establish a friendly relationship with your body, try to walk barefoot more and more often. In the summer, it’s worth running barefoot on the ground and grass at least once a week to feel the surge of natural strength.
- Don't forget to take care of yourself. At the same time, the process of leaving should not be forced, unwanted and too hasty. Enjoy your shower and allow yourself to experience genuine pleasure while using caring cosmetics.
- Try to realize and accept all your negative emotions and thoughts directed towards your body. And then gently replace them with acceptance and love.
- Learn to breathe correctly and deeply. Master at least simple relaxation techniques that will help you get rid of accumulated tension in your muscles and organs. By regularly performing practices, within a week you will notice how your body has become lighter, how you have more strength and confidence.
- Never rush into eating food. Feel its taste, don’t be distracted by anything, think only about good things while eating.
- Don't forget to regularly give your body at least minimal stress. A person cannot be healthy if there is not enough movement and activity in his life.
- Don't ignore tactile sensations. Try to include hugs with other people every day of your life.
How often do we think about our body in today's frantic pace? About the need to look after him, care for him, care for him and cherish him? How often do you manage to give him enough rest, sleep, the opportunity to relax and not rush anywhere? Unfortunately, life now almost does not allow such a whim. And the results manifest themselves closer to old age, when the body slowly but steadily loses strength and life. That’s why it’s so important now to start listening to your body, taking care of it, and giving it what it needs. The more we give it now, the more it will give us in difficult moments of life. Below are 20 ways to restore your connection with your body, how to learn to listen to it and love it.
1. Walk barefoot as much as possible.
Connection with the earth (in the most literal sense) is very important for any person. It gives stamina, calmness, strength and steadfastness. Don't believe me? Kick off your shoes and walk barefoot on the ground (not asphalt!) and see how good you will feel.
2. Listen to your body periodically
We are so accustomed to exploring the world with our eyes that other senses are often ignored. Close your eyes, feel your whole body. How are you feeling? Are you comfortable? Cold, warm? How does your skin feel?
3. After showering, gently and calmly lubricate your body with lotion.
We often forget about this, rushing to take a shower in the morning and quickly get ready for work. But this small ritual is a great opportunity to express your love to your body.
4. Mentally direct love to the part of your body that you don't like.
Usually these zones sense our condemnation and involuntarily project our thoughts into reality. That is, if you think you have big belly, it will be big no matter what you do with it. So tell all the unloved areas of your body that you love them. Over time they will change for the better.
5. Eat slowly and mindfully
Food is not only nutritious material for the body, but also a source of pleasure. Therefore, when you eat, enjoy the process itself.
6. When you chew your food, focus on it.
Each food is universal in its composition. And the more you pay attention to what exactly goes into your mouth and how it feels while you chew, the fewer foods that are harmful to your body will be in your life. In fact, these burgers feel rubbery after the second bite!
7. Sleep naked more often
At first it may seem uncomfortable, but over time you will get used to it and begin to enjoy the ease and freedom.
8. Breathe deeply
Especially if you are under stress. When, as you know, breathing reflexively becomes fast and shallow. Try to spend five to ten minutes throughout the day doing deep breathing. And soon you will notice that you have become much calmer and more relaxed.
9. Dress to make the most of your clothes.
You don't have to follow fashion to feel comfortable in your clothes. Sometimes it’s even the opposite - blind worship of fashion trends can deprive you of convenience. And your body will have to endure long hours of tightness (if you are wearing too tight things), or cold (if you ignored a warm down jacket for the sake of a light sheepskin coat), or any other discomfort. Show your body that you love it and care about it. Dress in a way that makes him comfortable.
10. Experiment with tactile sensations
We are accustomed to tactilely exploring objects through our fingers and palms. But what if you try to feel the surface with another part of the body? Shoulder, elbow, cheek? How do you feel?
11. Experiment with touching other people (only with their consent, of course)
Hug a loved one, press your cheek to their shoulder. How do you feel? Evaluate not only the tactile sensations, but also how comfortable you feel inside. Is it pleasant for you to hug this person?
12. Keep a food and drink journal.
How does your body react to this or that food? Is it easy for you? Or do you feel a pleasant heaviness? Are you warm? Comfortable?
13. When you wake up, the first thing you do is ask your body how it’s feeling today.
And how can you improve his condition?
14. Meditate
Even if you only have five minutes of free time. When you are fully aware of yourself in the present (which is what meditation does), you can also feel your whole body. This is the most best way establish a connection with him.
15. Get moving, try different activities
If you are used to running in the morning, replace running on some days with swimming, or dancing, or working out at the gym. Explore your body's capabilities.
16. Listen to your favorite music with your eyes closed
And you will literally feel how your body glows from the inside.
17. Get a massage
This will give your body the opportunity to relax and release accumulated tension. You will feel wonderful!
18. Swim in open water
No matter how good the pools are, they still cannot replace the amazing feeling of living water. When you're floating on fresh air, in natural reservoirs, you unite with nature. And this unity gives peace and tranquility. An incomparable feeling!
19. Do a warm-up every morning and every evening.
You don't have to exercise until you're dripping with sweat. You can just stretch a little and stretch your muscles. This will improve your condition.
20. Stand in front of a full-length mirror and compliment yourself.
Give yourself some love. Say how much you love your body and how grateful you are to it. Tell him you promise to take care of him. Smile to yourself. You are worthy of love!
