Guys, we put our soul into the site. Thank you for that
that you are discovering this beauty. Thanks for the inspiration and goosebumps.
Join us on Facebook And VKontakte
There are millions of people in the world who do not have arms or legs, but we can rarely see them - most hide this, using prosthetics that are as similar as possible to real human limbs. But some do not consider their absence a disadvantage at all, and, on the contrary, turn it into an advantage.
website collected evidence that people can be freaking cool regardless of whether all their body parts are in place.
Mama Cax
A 29-year-old British woman of Soviet origin, Viktoria Modesta, suffered a dislocation of her left hip at birth due to a medical error and spent almost her entire childhood in hospitals, undergoing 15 operations. They did not help, and at the age of 19 Victoria decided to have amputation.
Part of Victoria's extravagant image was 8 different prosthetics, for example, a “stereo leg”, a crystal prosthesis and a prosthesis in the form of a shiny black spike. The girl achieved fame as a singer and fashion model, participated in Milan Fashion Week shows and became the face of Samsung and Vodafone.
Jason Barnes
Barnes's prosthesis allows the use of two sticks at the same time: one of them is controlled by the musician using sensors attached to his muscles, and the other is connected to a special program that “listens” to the musical rhythm and improvises.
In 2017, the professor created an even more advanced prosthesis for Jason: each of his fingers can be controlled separately, which even allows him to play the piano.
Angel Giuffria
Amputation of a hand did not prevent 25-year-old British woman Jo-Jo Cranfield from becoming a professional swimmer and winning medals in international competitions. She is also a motivational speaker and swimming coach.
Jo-Jo never wore prosthetics because she found them uncomfortable, but then she met the famous designer Sophie de Oliveira Barata, who created a “snake hand” for her. JoJo says she loves the wonder with which people look at her and makes her feel strong and beautiful.
An error occurred while loading.
Maria told MedNews about her struggle with Ewing's sarcoma, life after amputation, and why she needs an Instagram page.
How it all started
Three years ago, I felt numbness in my thumb right leg. I didn’t attach much importance to this (you don’t pay attention to such little things) and continued to live my life - raising children, going to training, taking care of the house. Then a slight nagging pain appeared in calf muscle. I’ve been involved in sports since childhood, and athletes always have pain and aches, so I didn’t pay attention to it either.
One day a lump grew on my leg. I went to the doctor and they told me it was . On the advice of doctors, for almost a whole year I smeared my leg with gels, warmed it, and massaged it. Then it so happened that I got an appointment with an oncologist. They did an MRI and took a puncture. The diagnosis - Ewing's sarcoma - floored me. To top it off, they found metastases in the lungs. And they said that my affairs were bad. 4th stage. I couldn't believe my ears. I didn't believe that this was the end.
I said that I don’t know anything, I will live. Then everything was like a bad dream.
Amputation. High-dose chemotherapy and all the accompanying consequences: feeling unwell, hair loss, mood swings and tears. But I wasn't going to give up. There is only one life, and it is worth fighting for it with all your might, even if it seems to you that the test is too difficult and it will never be the same.
Now everyone is going abroad for treatment - to Germany, Israel. But I had surgery and treatment at the Rostov Oncology Institute. Everything was on top level: international treatment protocols were used, I received all medications according to the general health insurance, for free.
New life
And here it is, the long-awaited remission, victory over the disease, my victory! AND new life. Life without a leg, without mine long hair. A comfortable and beautiful prosthesis was made for me at the Krasnodar prosthetic and rehabilitation center. I got a chance to be happy and interesting life. After all, prosthesis is different from prosthesis; a major role is played by the prosthetic socket, where the remaining limb is placed. The sleeve should not press, rub or be too loose.
My prosthetist Alexander Pereverzev has golden hands. He feels the patient and takes into account all his whims. And I'm very capricious. I asked him difficult task: return me completely to my previous life as much as possible. I remember taking my first steps on a prosthesis three months after the amputation. It was very painful and scary, but at the same time it was fun - I was overwhelmed with emotions because I was back on two legs, regaining my independence and freedom of movement.
Fall to go forward
I created a page on Instagram with one goal: I want people with disabilities in Russia to stop sitting at home within four walls and begin to appear in society. Especially girls. It's doubly hard for them.
It's hard to lose a leg. After all, legs are one of the symbols female beauty. It’s terrible to realize that if they used to look at you with admiration, now they look at you with pity.
For a long time I did not dare to go outside. I have come a difficult way - both psychological and physical. I trained eight hours a day, hobbling around my apartment on an uncomfortable training prosthesis after grueling high doses of chemotherapy. At first there were a lot of falls on the street, because our roads leave much to be desired. But I still continued to train, step by step, bump by bump, overcoming obstacles, I was moving towards my cherished goal - to walk a lot and well.
Before going outside, I looked out the window to see if there were people there. I was shy. When I went to the store and limped, I thought that everyone was looking at me because I didn’t have a leg. And when spring came, followed by summer, and everyone put on beautiful summer dresses and shorts, I cried and asked myself: why? But she quickly calmed herself down, because tears and regrets won’t fix the matter.
Then I went to my prosthetics company and asked them to make me a beautiful, stylish prosthesis, with patterns and drawings.
I decided: let them look at me, let them point fingers, but I will still wear summer things - shorts, skirts and dresses.
First with friends, now I walk alone. Of course, they turn on me, but I think this is normal for a country where people with disabilities are almost not socialized. I really hope that this situation will change. A person is determined not by how many arms and legs he has, but by what fills his soul, what he thinks about.
Now I take care of my family and household, drive a car, teach people to walk on prosthetics, and especially try to support those who have been diagnosed. Neither cancer nor the loss of limbs is a death sentence. Within each person there are inexhaustible resources of will and strength that can lead to victory. The main thing is not to give up. Never.
American Pnina Ullrich, who also lives with a prosthetic leg, maintains a video blog. In it, it’s not scary - so she wants to change society’s attitude towards people with disabilities.
history
Lose a leg, find yourself How do Russians live? voluntary amputees" - people who want to lose a limb. Report by Sasha Sulim
The term existing in Western medicine is “perceptual integrity disorder syndrome” own body"Body integrity identity disorder or BIID" describes people who want to get rid of their limbs - they are also called voluntary amputees. Those with this disorder perceive the limb as a foreign object; amputation for them is a way to feel “whole”; Often these people deliberately harm themselves in order to get rid of a leg or arm. Scientists began to study BIID only in the last 15 years and only in Western countries - however, there are voluntary amputees in Russia, where this problem is not being studied in any way. Meduza correspondent Sasha Sulim talks about how their lives work. Audio version of the text.
When Denis (name changed at the request of the hero) was four years old, he had a strange dream, which he still remembers. Dressed in black leather, he knelt in front of a strange woman, and she beat him with all her might with a whip; but the main thing is that in his dream Denis had no legs. That night the boy woke up in pain from the blows and intense arousal from the sight of his stumps - he did not realize his sexual nature until many years later.
As a teenager, while his parents were at work, Denis loved to pretend to be disabled: he tied his leg, made a prosthesis, walked on crutches around his apartment in St. Petersburg, fantasized about how and under what circumstances he could lose a limb. This game caused sexual arousal in the boy, which combined both the attraction to people without legs and the pleasure of realizing his own helplessness. It was then that the first thoughts appeared about losing my limbs for real.
As a child, 45-year-old Igor from Kirov (name and city changed at the request of the hero), who grew up in an ordinary Soviet family, also realized his desires: his father worked at a factory, his mother worked in a hospital. One day, when he was ten, the boy climbed a tree: “The feeling of emptiness under my feet gave me an orgasm for the first time in my life. I think my father even noticed something, because he asked: weren’t you, by any chance, pleased? But, of course, I didn’t confess to him.”
Igor still does not admit to his family and friends that he is interested in people with amputated legs. “If my wife finds out about this, I can’t imagine what I’ll do with myself. I don’t think I’ll survive this,” he says. He calls his attraction a “demonic mark” that he cannot get rid of. Igor fights with it, going to work (he has his own shoe repair business) or his favorite hobby, hunting. According to him, even just watching animals distracts him from obsessive thoughts. “Sometimes [people] sit for hours watching ducks or wild boars. I can’t do this, I need everything to change, I can’t sit in one place,” says Igor. “Giving in to temptation and losing a leg means losing the opportunity to do what you love and turning into a burden for your own family.”
Obstacle on the path to happiness
For the first time, a disorder associated with attraction to people without limbs was described by a psychiatrist and one of the founders of sexology, Richard von Krafft-Ebing, in his work “Sexual Psychopathy,” published in 1906. The term “Body Integrity Disorder” (BIID) appeared about a hundred years later - it was first used by Columbia University clinical psychiatry professor Michael Furst in his 2004 study “Amputation Compulsion: Paraphilia, Psychosis, or a New Type of Personality Disorder.” .
Eight years later, in 2012, Furst, along with his colleague Karl Fischer, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, published another article on a rare disorder: “Body Integrity Syndrome: A Persistent Desire to Become Disabled.” In it, scientists propose a definition: the syndrome of violation of the integrity of perception of one's own body is a little-studied condition in which the physical picture of the body does not correspond to how a person perceives it psychologically.
In a conversation with Meduza, Furst called this medical phenomenon extremely rare, but at the same time widespread enough not to doubt its existence. “In the time I have been studying this disorder, I have spoken with approximately 150 patients suffering from BIID. But I’m sure there are thousands and thousands of them in the world,” says Furst, noting that the development of the Internet and social networks has greatly facilitated both his research and the lives of his patients. - Previously, people suffering from BIID thought they were the only ones in the world. They were very lonely and suffered madly from their difference from others. Knowing that you are not alone can even save a life in some cases.”
Ksenia Shishkova for Meduza
For his first study, published in 2004 in the journal Psychological Medicine, Furst spoke with 52 people who said they dreamed of amputating one or both limbs. A scientist found them on specialized forums; all interviews were conducted by telephone under the condition of anonymity. The vast majority of these people were men (only four were women - and one was transgender). Nine people admitted that they had already amputated a leg or arm, and six had undergone the operation themselves using life-threatening methods - using a power saw or dry ice, which causes tissue death. The three managed to persuade the doctor to amputate their healthy limb. Several people said that after the operation they felt much better and got rid of obsessive behavior; None of the respondents had other psychiatric disorders (however, as Ferst points out, the syndrome he identified can cause severe depression). All 52 people named the goal of voluntary amputation as the desire to find their own identity.
A more precise quantitative analysis, according to Furst, is unlikely to be possible in the near future. “You can’t just go around 20 or 200 thousand people and ask: Do you want to amputate something?” - he explains.
Another scientific work dedicated to “voluntary amputees” was published in 2012 by several specialists from the University of Amsterdam. They interviewed 54 people who admitted that they suffered from BIID and wanted to amputate or paralyze their limbs in order to feel like “full people” and gain inner harmony with your body.
The scientists communicated with most of the survey participants anonymously and only online, and collected data using detailed questionnaires; only five people agreed to meet with the scientists in person. The authors of the article note that in order to include as many “voluntary amputees” in the study as possible, they had to abandon the idea of offline communication, physical examination, and even telephone conversations. As scientists write, people with such a rare disorder have great difficulty making contact, fearing that their identity may be revealed. In such conditions, it is almost impossible to verify the sincerity of the research subjects and the veracity of their answers. One way or another, each of the respondents (as in the case of Furst’s study, the vast majority were men) associated their first fantasies about amputation with early childhood; Every second person experienced sexual arousal when they imagined that one day they would become an “amputee.” The University of Amsterdam did not talk to Meduza, citing the excessive interest of journalists in their work.
One of the main goals of the Dutch was to ensure that the syndrome was recognized by the medical community - and the disorder would be included in all official medical classifications. Professor Ferst has also proposed in recent years to include BIID in the list of mental and behavioral disorders in the new version of the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11). Work on the new classification should be completed in 2018 - and in its draft version there is a mention of such a syndrome. In total, as of January 2017, 7,186 amendments have already been proposed to ICD-11, two of which relate to mental disorders. BIID was also tried to be included in the American classification of mental disorders DSM-5, which in last time was updated in 2013, but it hasn’t worked yet.
Psychotherapist, Doctor of Medical Sciences, leading researcher at the Serbsky Center Lev Perezhogin points out that in the current International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10) there is a section “Other disorders of habits and desires,” which, in particular, describes behavioral disorders that “ characterized by repeated actions that do not have a clearly expressed rational motivation, cannot be controlled and usually cause harm to the patient himself and others.” “If there were a person, there would be an article,” Perezhogin sneers, admitting that such cases have been studied very little - and therefore are described in very general terms.
In the 2000s, journalists also began to become interested in BIID. In 2003, it was shown at the Los Angeles Film Festival. documentary“The Whole,” in which the main characters talked about how and why they tried to get rid of their limbs. Three years later, one of the largest American television channels, ABC, posted on its website material about three voluntary amputees. One of them sat in his own car for six hours, with his feet in dry ice, and then independently got to the nearest hospital, using the manual controls that he had previously installed on the car (this is used by people with disabilities who cannot control the car with their feet). After the operation - he eventually had both legs amputated - the obsessions disappeared, but, as the man admitted to reporters, not a day goes by without him regretting what he did. Another heroine twice unsuccessfully tried to amputate her legs, and the third almost decided to undergo an illegal operation in the Philippines: local doctors offered to cut off his healthy leg for 10 thousand dollars.
Reports with similar stories have also appeared in recent years on the Fox News channel, in the British tabloids Mirror and Daily Mail, in the American Daily Star and New York Post. All of them featured people who dreamed of damaging their limbs - and who were relieved when they succeeded; The New York Post even cited an example from the 18th century, when an Englishman who came to France demanded that a doctor amputate his leg. When the doctor refused, the man shot himself in the limb and simply forced the medic to finish what he started. Returning home, he sent the doctor money and a letter in which he explained that his leg was an obstacle to his path to happiness.
As far as Meduza knows, no BIID studies have been conducted in Russia. The concept of the syndrome of violation of the integrity of perception of one's own body in Russian is found almost only in translated articles (with rare exceptions); neither scientists nor doctors use it.
Amputi, devoti and vannabi
“Voluntary amputees” find each other in closed groups and forums, and their communication is replete with slang borrowed from English: amputees (those who have already lost limbs), wannabi (those who dream of amputation), devoti (those who is sexually attracted to amputees). For this material, Meduza spoke with several dozen subscribers of VKontakte communities that are in one way or another related to the topic of amputations.
However, as in the case of anonymous scientific research, it is often impossible to verify how serious users are when they talk about their aspirations for amputation. Activists of various thematic groups, who often take surnames like Vannabko or Vannabov on social networks, sometimes write about amputations even too openly. Their pages are filled with photographs of semi-naked and naked people without arms and/or legs, often of a pornographic nature. When communicating with a Meduza correspondent, most of them stopped correspondence when they were asked to change the format of the conversation - for example, to call. Meduza repeatedly spoke with the main characters of the material - Denis and Igor - by phone and Skype.
Now, when he is already over forty, Denis explains his childhood experiences with a strong impression from an unusual meeting: once, when he was still very young, a man came to their apartment in the center of Leningrad with wooden leg. “The sight of this man scared me and interested me at the same time. That’s when the eroticization of people with disabilities occurred - this is one of the protective mechanisms of our psyche,” explains the man, who became so interested in psychology that he studied it at the university, and for the last 15 years has been working in his specialty in the USA. “Since then I have dreamed of having my leg or both amputated.”
“The strong impression of meeting a person without a leg can become a decisive factor in the formation of sexual deviation in a child under six years of age,” confirms psychoanalyst, co-author of the portal “Modern Psychoanalysis” Nadezhda Kuzmina. “At this age it is very difficult to distinguish between where the child is fantasizing and where he is just playing, so in most cases it is almost impossible to track the first shoots of a psychological disorder.” Furst's research confirms that most often BIID actually grows out of childhood experiences - and often the cause of the disorder is an encounter with an amputee.
Ksenia Shishkova for Meduza
According to Denis, he spent years wondering if he was crazy - and eventually came to the conclusion that he was not. He calls the disorder his “peculiarity” - and explains: “Bannaby psychotherapy is necessary. But if a psychotherapist believes that he can rid a person of the desire to amputate, then he is not a professional and has no idea what he is talking about. It's like convincing a black person that he is white. This is probably possible, the question is how healthy this position is.” Therapy, according to the man, is needed in order to learn to live with BIID - but it still feels like life in prison. Liberation would be amputation, which the man is not yet ready to undergo. “There are, of course, limiting factors. Firstly, parents,” he explains. “They don’t know about my desire, I protect them.”
Other obstacles are of a purely technical nature. “If my insurance company finds out that the amputation was not done according to medical indications, and according to my desire, he will sue me, and I will be doomed to poverty and ruin,” says Denis. “And the chances of finding a doctor who will agree to carry it out are also zero.”
Several years ago, Denis went to Europe with the hope that he could find the right specialist. At that moment it seemed to him that he was one step away from his dream. “It was a terrible period of my life, I really hoped that they would help me, but this never happened,” the man recalls. - After all this, I was ready to build a guillotine. If anyone had helped me with this then, I would have already lost my leg.” The instinct of self-preservation prevented me from finishing the job on my own: “I got used to it, learned to live with it,” says Denis, who calls himself “a slave to his desire.”
Dream operation
“Surgery is a drastic measure,” Furst says. “Of course, the question of ethics immediately arises here.” At the same time, today amputation operations are, according to researchers, almost the only examples effective treatment. Ferst himself supports this method only as a last resort: if nothing else helps - and if it is reliably established that the patient is aware of his actions. However, according to the scientist, it is impossible to exclude the possibility that a person will regret what he did.
According to Russian law, amputation without medical indications can be recognized by the court as intentional infliction of harm to health - punishable by up to eight years in prison. However, in groups dedicated to amputations, you can often find proposals with a similar wording: “A full range of services. Expensive, but reliable, legal and confidential." The author of one of these advertisements - he introduced himself as Viktor from Rostov - says that he himself is not going to cut off anything for anyone, but he can advise in detail and for money on all issues related to amputation. Victor once studied at the Faculty of Psychology; his thesis was on his attraction to “unconventional girls”: “It’s easy to write when the patient is yourself,” he explains. Then he met his first vannabi and realized that he could make money on this topic.
According to Victor, there are many scammers among his colleagues. “I immediately tell [clients] that if they come across an ad here [on VKontakte] that says: “Give me money and we’ll cut off your leg,” I don’t advise them to write it - it’s either swindlers or a crime.” More realistic options, according to Victor, are to feign terrible pain in the leg, or better yet, to inflict at least a minor injury on yourself. “The most workable scheme is to find a surgeon and agree with him (for money or a bottle of cognac) that on a certain day you will be brought to him with a leg injury incompatible with life, and he will amputate it in a pre-agreed place,” he continues, explaining that vannabis usually know exactly where they need to cut. - But the person must still receive this injury himself. Doctors risk losing not only their licenses, but also going to prison.”
One of Meduza’s interlocutors, Tamara, a resident of Blagoveshchensk, acted approximately this way (the name and city have been changed at the request of the heroine). Five years ago she had an amputation left leg. A 35-year-old woman who works as a hairdresser has been pursuing this operation for two decades: first she independently removed the phalanges of her fingers, then she received a minor injury, introduced an infection into the wound and achieved amputation for medical reasons. As she recalls now, after the operation she experienced “relief” and “found herself.” Now she continues to work in her profession from home, is raising a twelve-year-old daughter (Tamara’s husband left her after the amputation) - and says that she has already gotten used to crutches, which she finds “very comfortable” to move around on.
The only known case of a doctor performing formal amputations of healthy limbs on patients with BIID was recorded in 2000 in the UK. A surgeon at Scotland's Royal Falkirk Infirmary, Dr. Robert Smith, published a monograph, Questions, Answers and Recommendations on Voluntary Amputation, in which he reported that he had performed two amputations of healthy limbs on his patients. Smith said he had to take extreme measures because of the risk that patients might self-harm - and noted that he first checked the mental health of his patients to ensure that they were not sexually motivated. He refused patients who wanted amputation solely because of their sexual fantasies. According to Smith, after the operation his clients felt much better - however, when the public learned about the non-standard procedure, he was forced to stop working, despite the steady demand for such surgical interventions.
Psychoanalyst Nadezhda Kuzmina notes that the current consensus on voluntary amputations may change - after all, not so long ago, plastic surgery was also “treated with skepticism.” “A person of the 21st century has an extremely complex relationship with his body, and fantasies about amputation can be one of the forms of rejection of his physicality,” argues Kuzmina.
Coming out of the shadows
Several years ago, Denis, as part of a scientific internship at a European research center, studied the medical histories of 150 transgender people. “No matter how strange it may sound now, transgender people made me feel disgusted and sick. And it embarrassed me terribly,” the man recalls. - But I left the internship with a feeling of admiration and deep respect for these people: these are truly strong individuals whose lives - real tragedy. But the Vannabis also experience the same thing. I believe that we deserve to be treated with the same understanding as transgender people.”
Psychotherapist Perezhogin considers such a comparison incorrect, pointing out that not all transsexuals undergo surgical intervention, limiting themselves to changing their passport. And even if surgical gender reassignment is performed, such an operation does not cause any harm to a person. “In Russia, in the case of transgender people, a medical examination is necessary to make sure that if they change gender, they will be able to adapt to society in a new capacity,” explains Perezhogin. - What will be the adaptive effect of amputation for Vannabi? After all, in essence, their life will not change in any way - except for the fact that they will have to walk with a prosthesis.”
Michael Furst, on the other hand, agrees with Denis's analogy. “In both cases, a person feels very uncomfortable in his body: some are embarrassed by the genitals and secondary sexual characteristics, others are embarrassed by four healthy limbs. Both transsexuality and BIID first appear in childhood or adolescence, when a person begins to portray the desired ideal by dressing as the opposite sex or tying up limbs, the scientist explains. “To achieve that same ideal, both require surgical intervention, which is not an end in itself, but a medicine against the irresistible desire to change gender or lose a limb.”
For Denis, the first step towards accepting his own identity was that he began to talk about his desires to others. Denis’s good friend was the first to find out that he was a vannabi and immediately shared the information with her husband. “Of course, I was shocked,” the man recalls, “but it helped me realize that it is impossible to live forever under this fear.” According to him, now he does not hide his desires from his boyfriends.
Ksenia Shishkova for Meduza
Unlike Denis, Igor did not talk about his desire for amputation with any of his loved ones - he only discussed it on the Internet with strangers, but people close in passion. “I’m afraid that the doctor will think I’m crazy,” the man explains. - I even turned to God, prayed, took an oath. After that, I was able to stay away from websites and forums for only three weeks, and then everything returned with even greater force.” According to him, when he began to tell the priest about his problem, hinting that he was experiencing an unusual sexual attraction, he asked if Igor had Udmurts in his family (the man’s father was an Udmurt) - “and said that the Udmurts have very strong pagan roots and This is why they are punished like this.”
Psychoanalyst Kuzmina admits that when she was preparing for an interview with Meduza, she called a dozen colleagues and asked if any of them had encountered similar cases in their practice. “Even among colleagues, the first reaction was denial, reluctance to talk about it,” she admits, adding that until there is a medical consensus about voluntary amputees, specialists are unlikely to be able to help them. “The pain is very difficult to bear alone. Communication on the Internet is at least some way to cope with it,” admits Kuzmina, who believes that sooner or later “Vannabi will have to come out of the shadows.”
According to Professor Furst, his American patients also keep their peculiarity a secret. Only a few people decide to open up to their family and friends, and even fewer find support and understanding from them. “One of my patients in New York has been dreaming of becoming paralyzed for many years. And at some point he decided to move only in a wheelchair. He is a sales assistant in a store,” says Furst. “And then one day he just came to work in a wheelchair and announced to everyone that he had BIID. But his case is an exception. Usually people are very afraid of facing a negative reaction from others.”
At the end of the conversation with Meduza, Igor again returns to his desire to get rid of his “shameful” fantasies. “I really want to repent,” he says. - Just not in turn, as usually happens in church, but have a heart-to-heart talk with someone. It seems that if I tell everything and a person listens to me and understands, then I will immediately feel better.”
At the age of 17, I was no different from my peers, except that I was overweight. I first wanted to lose weight when I was in school and suffering from unrequited love. I was always overweight because I completely lacked nutritional culture: I ate a lot and everything. My high school graduation was approaching and I wanted to be in good shape to surprise the guys and impress the girls. Intensive work on myself began. I lost 50 kilograms and began to weigh 90. But this was only the beginning of big changes. I thought so.
This was in 2013, the accident occurred a few months later, in April. As I remember now: I, happy that I had finally lost weight, walked home and crossed the one-way road. Two cars stopped to let me through, and the brakes of the third, a truck, failed. The driver decided to avoid a collision with the cars in front and drove one wheel onto the sidewalk where I was finishing crossing the road. The truck dragged me 15 meters on a hook to which my leg was caught. The car crashed into a pole and pinched my leg, at that moment I realized that I was left without it. I was lucky that an ambulance was passing by. They took me away right away, stopped the bleeding, and put a splint on me. Then resuscitation. I lay in a coma for 10 days.
The doctors were putting my leg back together piece by piece. And they succeeded. Only it never took root: gangrene formed. She had to be amputated up to the buttock.
The rehabilitation period began, which became a real hell for me: dressings had to be done on live meat, because I had nothing to sew. Two months later, everything got better, but I still remember with horror what I had to endure. All this time my family supported me, for which I am very grateful to them. If it weren't for my loved ones, I wouldn't be able to become who I am now. In moments of despair, they told me: “Seryoga, don’t worry, everything will be fine. Look, people without arms, without legs, sometimes even without heads! And nothing!” It was still difficult to get rid of the complexes: a young guy, 17 years old, without a leg... I understand that I looked worse than other young people. Of course, I wanted to realize myself, but without a leg it is much more difficult to do this than with it.
When I was discharged from the hospital, I faced new challenges. For the first six months I could neither eat nor drink on my own. My parents were always there and helped me in everything. Then I slowly began to get used to life “after”. I learned to sit and tried to sit in a wheelchair. The pain was hellish: I could not hold back my tears and screams. Everything was like in some kind of dramatic film. The only difference is that this is life.
Rehabilitation is a long and labor-intensive process. I'm still recovering. The second and only leg is paralyzed below the knee. A year later, I had surgery in St. Petersburg and seven months after that I was allowed to step on my leg. But I still don’t walk because I can’t feel my feet: I feel uncomfortable, uncomfortable, I fall all the time. It is very difficult to install a prosthesis because there is no stump. I spent 10 months in the hospital, nine of which were in traction, but I was unable to stretch my leg.
I don’t know why they say that people in wheelchairs are doomed to loneliness. In the modern world there is practically no such thing.
Before meeting my girlfriend Ksenia, I also had a relationship, and at that time I was already without a leg.
Ksyusha is with me not because, say, I’m popular on Instagram, and certainly not out of pity, but simply because we suit each other.
Not long ago, she and I moved to live in St. Petersburg. Before that they lived in my hometown, in Arkhangelsk. A year ago I was offered a good job in St. Petersburg. First of all, I discussed this with Ksyusha: is it worth it? She, of course, supported me. We dated at a distance for a year: at that time she was still in her senior year in our city. It was hard, but I think the distance only strengthened our feelings. This summer Ksyusha entered St. Petersburg University, we rented an apartment here and now we live together.
The most important thing for me is to be useful. I don’t look at my popularity on Instagram from the monetary side. How more people will subscribe to my blog, the world will become a better place (at least I want to believe so). I believe that my page is correct because I promote that being weak (sometimes, of course) is not a bad thing. This happens to each of us. The main thing is not to be afraid of it, not to hide it by burying yourself in your own complexes. You need to learn to tell yourself: “Yes, I am like this, but I will become better.” I hope that in the future I will do something offline. I want to help people, give lectures to those who are desperate and think that it is simply impossible to live on. Now I'm 22, and I can say with complete confidence that life is just beginning.
Ivan Samodelkin, 22 years old. Lost my leg in May of this year
As a child, I was such a restless child that my parents simply did not know where to direct my energy. At the age of four I was sent to figure skating, because other sports are accepted no earlier than 6 years old. That’s when I first fell in love with ice and started dreaming of an ice career. I was studying in sports school“Junior” achieved considerable success: he participated in the championships of the northern capital, stages of the Russian Cup, but never reached the level of the national team.
2015 was a turning point in my career. I understood that great heights in professional sports will no longer be possible to achieve. But for us figure skaters, if you stay on the ice and don’t train professionally (don’t take part in competitions), then you have to choose: either become a coach or become a ballet dancer on ice. I chose the second one. “Swan Lake”, “The Nutcracker”, “Romeo and Juliet” - this is not the entire part of the repertoire of our St. Petersburg ballet. We traveled all over Russia and Europe. This time was the best in my life: on tour I met figure skater Ksyusha Posen.
We got married on April 30 this year. In May, after the wedding festivities, our whole family went to the dacha. I plowed the ground with a cultivator, my uncle wielded a hoe, in a word, the work was in full swing.
There was only one bed left unplowed, and to get back, I turned the cultivator into reverse. At this moment, the metal clamp jammed. I tried to squeeze it out, but didn't have time.
The blade cut my leg.
Then everything is like a dream. I remember my uncle’s screams, my parents’ confused faces, the ambulance, the doctors, the hospitalization. The bleeding was stopped - the injury was severe. There was hope for a speedy recovery until doctors reported that soil had gotten into the wound and caused an infection. The leg had to be amputated.
I never cease to be amazed at how many caring and kind people there are around. Everyone will know about what happened to me through social media. Every day I receive a dose of support and warm words from complete strangers, but incredibly sympathetic and responsive people.
There is no need to talk about plans for the future yet: it is unknown how the recovery will proceed. I understand that even the most modern prostheses will not allow me to achieve high sports results. The load on the body figure skating be healthy, not every healthy person can handle it. But I can’t imagine my life without sports. Now I want to go to the ice more than ever. I’m definitely not going to give up and hang up my skates. Today people with disabilities have so many opportunities, the main thing is desire. I want to try myself in Paralympic sports, and maybe I’ll become a figure skating coach.
